Love

Today is simply but maybe not so simply titled. What do you think of when I say "love?" I love magazines and beaches and that dress over there. I love my boyfriend. I love my mom and dad. I love traveling and planning events. I love my friends. So many different kinds of love. What kinds of love are in your life? What love are you missing?

I've been reading the Nieniedialogues a lot lately. I read about Stephanie and her husband, Christian's plane crash on another blog a few months ago and started reading Stephanie's blog. I guess I just wanted to know the person for which my heart has been breaking. Lately, fans of Stephanie's blog have been emailing her sister, Jane with their favorite "Nienie" posts. Stephanie is a stay at home mom of four really cute kids. She loves her life, loves being with her husband, loves being with her children, and loves being with her extended family and friends. She makes her children and her husband feel special by making them special meals, baking and making crafts with her kids, occasionally dressing up nice for her husband when he comes home from work, going along with it when one of her kids decides to be a photographer for the day. She loves her life. Of course, there are the days that she is tired or irritated and just needs a little time to herself and therefore will post a blog about locking her kids outside so at least one chore could be accomplished, but the thing that hit me today was in this re-posted blog. Stephanie was simply being part of a family.

Stephanie, her sister Jane, and their brother Andrew have all posted blogs that I have read surrounding their spouses and children. I feel the closeness they all have, the desire to be near each other, the happiness their families give them - all this in just reading about their days. And I realize the love I am missing. My one true desire in life is to be a mom and to have a family. To make my child feel special, loved, and secure. In all the everyday things to show them how to live, how to love, how to maintain close relationships. My goal is to raise a child who would be confident in her or himself and see others as God sees them - not as beneath them or better than them, but as another human creation. The love that I matters most is the love between my God, my someday husband, and our child(ren). The thing I want most in life is to make my family whole.

I want to be the mom who sings her baby to sleep at night, reads her toddler stories, plays silly games, teaches her children to bake and cook, gives them the tools to discover their passions and then the tools to make those passions part of their lives. I want every moment to count. I want to have a family where T is just as involved in our childrens' lives as I am. I want him to know the joy of holding a warm, just-bathed toddler in her towel, or of kissing his rosy-cheeked son goodnight. Roasting marshmallows over a campfire, coloring, frosting cookies, decorating the Christmas tree, watching their delight at brand new experiences that have been so mundane to me for years.

I remember, once, my dad telling me that my mom's main goal in life -since she was a teenager- was to be a mom. At the time, I had no idea why she would make that her focus. Why? When she could have peace and quiet with her husband. When she could have a career, free time to go shopping or out with friends. When there are opportunities to just jump into your car and go where you want to, why saddle yourself with kids? But I get it now. There is nothing more satisfying or happy or sweet as the love and bond between a child and a mother. Nothing better than a contented family simply being - in love.